Monday, 22 September 2014

Make Your Own Tribe

If there is anything I have learnt in my 27 years it definitely comes down to maintaining expectations. The more you expect, the bigger the window you leave open for things to fall through.

By placing expectations on others to satisfy whatever need you have, you are taking the early exit off the highway to Maccas and ending up at the fruit stall instead (i.e. right where you didn't want to be).

Relying on other people to fulfil your desires, only sets you up for disappointment in the end, because if you hadn't noticed - you are not Jim Henson mastering the muppets.

More often than not, by painting the perfect outcome in your mind for how you expect to be treated by others can leave you feeling more hurt than probably required when that masterpiece isn't created the way you imagined.

Whether its planning an entire girls night out with a large group, turning to loved ones to be your personal cheerleader, picturing how your future romance plays out, envisioning the outcome of a difficult conversation or even something as simple as expecting someone to arrive on time - when you already enter the scenario with the result in your head, the divine Universe intervenes and it's rarely going to be the result you get.

That's why I think its important to find your own tribe. Don't get caught up in expecting to be emotionally or mentally satisfied from those you think you should be responsible for this. Time and time again I personally have left myself feeling silly for turning to someone cherished expecting them to give me what I need - then reeling back frustrated and hurt after the fact when they haven't fulfilled this construction of my mind; the expectation I put on them.

Dearest gumdrops, turn away from the norm and make your own tribe. Find the people that you don't have to put these expectations on. Give yourself all the love you need. Don't punish those 'should of's' for not living up to your expectations, and most definitely do not spend time resenting people for not being your ideal...let it go and turn to the tribe you hand pick to be your support beams.

If all else fails, make a U-turn and get that nugget meal from Maccas!

Monday, 8 September 2014

Being The Girl In The Bubble

Today I am here with a hot scoop for you! I am going to share with you the insider goss and juicy scandal behind living the life of...a hayfever sufferer.
Holy guacamole it is a ride you hope you never get off! Like a good antihistamine I'll relieve you from any further suspense and enlighten you with some tidbits on the joys of:
Always being asked if I'm sick.
Constantly having someone ask me pityingly 'are you sick again?'. Nope, not again, not ever really. Here's the clincher, those that know me, could 100% say they know when I am sick. Because I am the type of victim patient who is inclined to make everyone aware of just how uncomfortable and deathly I am. SO until then, in the interim, I am fighting fit and just suffering a particularly hayfevery type of day.

Waking up feeling like I've been asleep for a decade.
This one is kinda good yet mysterious. I wake from a deep slumber more rested than a well done steak. Then I generally need to take a moment to ponder where I am, what I might've missed, what day it could be as well as remind myself of where I am in life before I can get out of bed - for all I know I've woken up in 2025!

Sneezing whenever the wind blows.
Don't get blown away here by specifics. This instant wind - exhaust reaction is not strictly limited to outside wind, it can also be when the air conditioning shifts in temperature, when a door is opened or even just when someone passes by too swiftly - the nostrils will sense it and release up to 5 times before they are satisfied we are clear tunnels again.

Feeling tired all the time.
ALL the time. Similar to PMS this is a symptom you never know you have, or why you have it until after the fact. I will dose off on the train, get to work and want to nap and be yawning by 7.30pm that night, all sources of energy depleted until the wind changes again.

Trending with Cyclops eyes.
Such a cracker - waking up as another vamp in the Volturi coven. Again, there is the initial panic thinking it could be pink eye, until the wind changes and its back to blue eyes Bourke.
This is the main symptom that leads the people to ask if I am sick - understandable. However half the time I am not even aware I am sniffing and you want to know why? Because there is no snot with the sniff, its merely me breathing. Yes, just me gasping through my nostrils to get some air traction through them so I am not Darth Vadaring my way about my day. Sucking up the oxygen of life -  not sniffing.
So there you have it, basically, the life of a hayfever sufferer is a lot of false alarms causing you to feel like you have something more serious, then you pop a Telfast (or ten) and start to function again. That or the wind changes...

Wednesday, 3 September 2014

Always More

Today was a total spin cycle.

The kind of day that unleashes, and fuels your inner critic. Her voice taking over and planting seeds of doubt all through your confidence zones. You know the kind of day I'm talking about?

I'm mindful to not define myself by my work, yet in saying that, what I do for a living isn't just a job for me, its a career. Constantly a goal or achievement to accomplish, I always go into work wanting MORE - my inner Yonce demands more from myself, yearns to do big things and make a difference. I live it, I breathe it, I am switched on all the time thinking of new ideas, seeking inspiration and studying everything within my industry.

When you have a day that unexpectedly just knocks you off your ladder, it tends to make you think - am I even good at the thing I love doing?

So many self tormenting thoughts went through my mind today, those questions that punish us women more often than not. You know the ones:

- Why can't I be better?
- Why is my best not enough?
- Maybe I'm not enough
- Have I made the wrong choice?
- Will this ever get better?
- Will I ever be good enough?
- What next?

Awful isn't it? I too often let this voice beat me, and honestly it's hard not to. When you put so much of yourself in yet keep getting knocked down, it does become personal - because it's your work not being enough for the task at hand. My love for my career is a big part of my life when you have a few blows that make you question what you thought were your strengths - how do you fight back? It's like in order to succeed, you need to back yourself yet this is hard when you have given all you've got and you're left wondering if you are worth backing in the first place. And it sucks when you get to that.

All I (and anyone else who has moments like these) can do, is acknowledge that today sucked. It hurt my confidence and it has made me doubt myself. I'm sure its not the last time I'll feel like this, and it sure as heck isn't the first. I suppose it comes down to how much you want it, doesn't it? All I want it to be the best at what I do and if there are moments when my best just isn't enough, then that just means there is more room to keep trying until I get there.

Have you ever felt like this before? What's your trick to help you stay steady on that ladder?