Sunday, 19 May 2013

Finding Ones Feet

I need a hug. I say that hesitantly so as to ward off my 'funnier' friends (you all know who you are you giant jokers) who will all take that as a sign to envelope me in cud cuds. That is not what I am after. I am still awkward and seize up like a corpse when loving arms are wrapped around me. I almost, and this is odd, but I almost want to give someone a cud cud. I won't though.

(Me every time)

The thing about being a single twenty something, is that you have to strike a balance between being happy and independent, and yet also needing others in your life to be dependable as that's what you have. The value in having another another half (a luffer if you wish) is that you always have someone on your team. When all around you people are in couples, they are all these teams you are up against as a solo player. That's where family and friends come into play as essentially they are your team mates. These players are 'your person' (said Yang to Grey), so when you are sad, mad or bad (said Dr Seuss) , they are the ones you turn to, to get you back out on the field again. 

In saying that, there are times when not everyone is on your team. You can turn to them for advice, support or a cud cud and they are singing a different tune. In the end, when you are not getting what you need from your team, as a single twenty something it is very easy to stray down the path of confusion, in wishing, missing wishing for strawberry kisses (said Nikki Webster) and craving to have that other soul half in your life, just so you have that stability of a in good times or bad support system- happy wife, happy life.

(I hate Swifty but she has hit the nail on the head for this one)

The past year I have gone through a transition where I have very much had a security blanket of always coming home to my two supporting team mates and finding every solution to every problem in a giggle with them. If I had a bad day the cure would be some treatment from my sistahs and all would be ok again. Yet life as I knew it, had to change, the fast pace of growing up sweeping our little nest off the branch and now I find I can feel lost, dealing with being the eldest sister who lives at home, while Khloe has left, struck a Beyonce level of independence and very much grown into her own life, and Kourtney is living the life of a serious loved up lover/late teen busy busy busy on her own. As much as you depend on others in your life, there is also a natural urge to feel like others still need you as well. All while this happens I am still.

The twenty somethings are all about growing and finding yourself. I think constantly having your constants turn upside down is all for a reason, and I believe that you need to learn how to first and foremost manage on your own, as things change around you and often move away from the comfort you had come to depend on. This isn't necessarily bad, as much as I crave the old days there is no point living in the past and I am proud that I am the keeper of two younger, independent models in my life-but it is hard, to work out the next step for myself and be my own cheerleader. I can't control how relationships/friendships change, nor can I control what I get out of them but I can control what I do next. It can be hard to find ones feet when you feel abit angsty (a la Swifty style), like the players just don't get you anymore but rather than be wounded by this need for approval find solace in the fact that:

Home is where the magic happens. Home can change.  Home grows. At the end of the day the memories stay in the Home. Home is wherever I'm with you.

A song for the story: 

Alabama, Arkansas, I do love my Ma & Pa 
Not the way that I do love you 

Holy Moley, Me-oh-My, you're the apple of my eye 
Girl, I've never loved one like you 

Man, oh man, you're my best friend, 
I scream it to the nothingness 
There ain't nothin' that I need 

Well, hot & heavy, pumpkin pie, 
chocolate candy, Jesus Christ 
There ain't nothin' please me more than you 

Ahh, Home 
Let me come Home 
Home is wherever I'm with you

La la la la, take me Home 
Mama, I'm coming Home 

I'll follow you into the park, 
through the jungle, through the dark 
Girl, I've never loved one like you 

Moats & boats & waterfalls, 
alley ways & pay phone calls 
I've been everywhere with you 

That's true 

We laugh until we think we'll die, 
barefoot on a summer night 
Never could be sweeter than with you. 

And in the streets we're running free, 
like i's only you and me 
Geez, you're somethin' to see. 

Ahh, Home 
Let me come Home 
Home is wherever I'm with you 

La la la la, take me Home 
Mama, I'm coming Home 

Ahh, Home 
Let me come Home 
Home is whenever I'm with you 
Ahh, Home 
Let me come Home 
Home is when I'm alone with you 

Alabama, Arkansas, 
I do love my Ma & Pa 
Moats & Boats & Waterfalls, 
Alleyways & Pay phone Calls. 

Home is when I'm alone with you. 
Home is when I'm alone with you.

(Vid came from here)

Are you going through any big changes? Is twenty something overwhelming you? Do you sometimes feel like you are still while everything races ahead? Would love to hear your stories x

Thursday, 2 May 2013

Additional Education

From what I gather your twenties are about self discovery and finding out who you are. Well this week I had a light bulb moment. You really cannot put your happiness in other people's hands.

When I was younger, I had two life defining instances where the person I thought I was, and the life that I lived were tossed and turned completely upside down, and for want of a better word, the life as i knew it, was pulled from under me by two people that I had empowered to define who I was. This left me lost, unsure, and incredibly hurt and confused as to how I could be spat out by people that I had given all if myself to. It was part of growing up for me, and granted, I don't think I would go back and change a thing as hellish as it was at the time, I would not be what I am without having been thrown out if that friendship nest, twice, and left to pick myself up.

As a young adult (or mid range adult if I remain honest) I have become someone who now recognises the value in having certain people in my life, choosing to have them close to me, rather than by default. Along the way, I am still very much learning the need to manage my own expectations. I am still very quick to trust that people will have same values and respect as me. This trait, often still smacks me in my mid range face as I tend invest too much of my desired and sometimes expected, outcome in others.

It is not other people who can make you happy. You are the only one who can determine where your happiness comes from. Individuals can add to our happiness, and add to the experiences you have in life, but they cannot be what makes you happy.

The lesson today lovely humans (I hope!), is to live your life looking out for yourself and yourself only. Feel happy and content through your own being. Do not allow yourself to be let down by other people, or to have others prevent you from experiencing your true life. Take your relationships for face value, and protect your own happiness by doing things that make you feel light, energetic and radiant. Even if it means following your path on your own, your most valued relationships should be there to add to your experience, not be the experience.