Monday, 22 September 2014

Make Your Own Tribe

If there is anything I have learnt in my 27 years it definitely comes down to maintaining expectations. The more you expect, the bigger the window you leave open for things to fall through.

By placing expectations on others to satisfy whatever need you have, you are taking the early exit off the highway to Maccas and ending up at the fruit stall instead (i.e. right where you didn't want to be).

Relying on other people to fulfil your desires, only sets you up for disappointment in the end, because if you hadn't noticed - you are not Jim Henson mastering the muppets.

More often than not, by painting the perfect outcome in your mind for how you expect to be treated by others can leave you feeling more hurt than probably required when that masterpiece isn't created the way you imagined.

Whether its planning an entire girls night out with a large group, turning to loved ones to be your personal cheerleader, picturing how your future romance plays out, envisioning the outcome of a difficult conversation or even something as simple as expecting someone to arrive on time - when you already enter the scenario with the result in your head, the divine Universe intervenes and it's rarely going to be the result you get.

That's why I think its important to find your own tribe. Don't get caught up in expecting to be emotionally or mentally satisfied from those you think you should be responsible for this. Time and time again I personally have left myself feeling silly for turning to someone cherished expecting them to give me what I need - then reeling back frustrated and hurt after the fact when they haven't fulfilled this construction of my mind; the expectation I put on them.

Dearest gumdrops, turn away from the norm and make your own tribe. Find the people that you don't have to put these expectations on. Give yourself all the love you need. Don't punish those 'should of's' for not living up to your expectations, and most definitely do not spend time resenting people for not being your ideal...let it go and turn to the tribe you hand pick to be your support beams.

If all else fails, make a U-turn and get that nugget meal from Maccas!

Monday, 8 September 2014

Being The Girl In The Bubble

Today I am here with a hot scoop for you! I am going to share with you the insider goss and juicy scandal behind living the life of...a hayfever sufferer.
Holy guacamole it is a ride you hope you never get off! Like a good antihistamine I'll relieve you from any further suspense and enlighten you with some tidbits on the joys of:
Always being asked if I'm sick.
Constantly having someone ask me pityingly 'are you sick again?'. Nope, not again, not ever really. Here's the clincher, those that know me, could 100% say they know when I am sick. Because I am the type of victim patient who is inclined to make everyone aware of just how uncomfortable and deathly I am. SO until then, in the interim, I am fighting fit and just suffering a particularly hayfevery type of day.

Waking up feeling like I've been asleep for a decade.
This one is kinda good yet mysterious. I wake from a deep slumber more rested than a well done steak. Then I generally need to take a moment to ponder where I am, what I might've missed, what day it could be as well as remind myself of where I am in life before I can get out of bed - for all I know I've woken up in 2025!

Sneezing whenever the wind blows.
Don't get blown away here by specifics. This instant wind - exhaust reaction is not strictly limited to outside wind, it can also be when the air conditioning shifts in temperature, when a door is opened or even just when someone passes by too swiftly - the nostrils will sense it and release up to 5 times before they are satisfied we are clear tunnels again.

Feeling tired all the time.
ALL the time. Similar to PMS this is a symptom you never know you have, or why you have it until after the fact. I will dose off on the train, get to work and want to nap and be yawning by 7.30pm that night, all sources of energy depleted until the wind changes again.

Trending with Cyclops eyes.
Such a cracker - waking up as another vamp in the Volturi coven. Again, there is the initial panic thinking it could be pink eye, until the wind changes and its back to blue eyes Bourke.
This is the main symptom that leads the people to ask if I am sick - understandable. However half the time I am not even aware I am sniffing and you want to know why? Because there is no snot with the sniff, its merely me breathing. Yes, just me gasping through my nostrils to get some air traction through them so I am not Darth Vadaring my way about my day. Sucking up the oxygen of life -  not sniffing.
So there you have it, basically, the life of a hayfever sufferer is a lot of false alarms causing you to feel like you have something more serious, then you pop a Telfast (or ten) and start to function again. That or the wind changes...

Wednesday, 3 September 2014

Always More

Today was a total spin cycle.

The kind of day that unleashes, and fuels your inner critic. Her voice taking over and planting seeds of doubt all through your confidence zones. You know the kind of day I'm talking about?

I'm mindful to not define myself by my work, yet in saying that, what I do for a living isn't just a job for me, its a career. Constantly a goal or achievement to accomplish, I always go into work wanting MORE - my inner Yonce demands more from myself, yearns to do big things and make a difference. I live it, I breathe it, I am switched on all the time thinking of new ideas, seeking inspiration and studying everything within my industry.

When you have a day that unexpectedly just knocks you off your ladder, it tends to make you think - am I even good at the thing I love doing?

So many self tormenting thoughts went through my mind today, those questions that punish us women more often than not. You know the ones:

- Why can't I be better?
- Why is my best not enough?
- Maybe I'm not enough
- Have I made the wrong choice?
- Will this ever get better?
- Will I ever be good enough?
- What next?

Awful isn't it? I too often let this voice beat me, and honestly it's hard not to. When you put so much of yourself in yet keep getting knocked down, it does become personal - because it's your work not being enough for the task at hand. My love for my career is a big part of my life when you have a few blows that make you question what you thought were your strengths - how do you fight back? It's like in order to succeed, you need to back yourself yet this is hard when you have given all you've got and you're left wondering if you are worth backing in the first place. And it sucks when you get to that.

All I (and anyone else who has moments like these) can do, is acknowledge that today sucked. It hurt my confidence and it has made me doubt myself. I'm sure its not the last time I'll feel like this, and it sure as heck isn't the first. I suppose it comes down to how much you want it, doesn't it? All I want it to be the best at what I do and if there are moments when my best just isn't enough, then that just means there is more room to keep trying until I get there.

Have you ever felt like this before? What's your trick to help you stay steady on that ladder?

Sunday, 31 August 2014

Siem Reap Reaps Amazement

Let's be honest, other peoples' holidays are shiiiiiite so if you don't enjoy a good temple, sunrise or food shot then look away now because this is what I'm bringing you from my earlier travels to Cambodia this year. Looking at these holiday snaps makes my heart yearn to go away somewhere again. A timely reminder, I think, to never underestimate what a good getaway can do for your mind, heart and soul.

Nonetheless please enjoy a snippet of Cambodia, this mystical place full of beautiful, happy people. So poor yet always smiling and approachable and caring. The stillness of Angkor Wat temples, the absolute rarity of experiencing calmness combined with wide eyed wonder as I watched that hot ball of fire rise up over such an ancient structure. The photo-bombing talents of my sister. Young children at 'work' selling whatever they can, with the finance skills of Mark Bouris - if they cannot afford school uniforms they do not get an education. Unbelievable. Also young children around the age of 8 balancing babies and responsibility on their hips like a true mother - this concept of cultural difference blew me away. The simplicity of transport, so ridiculous yet efficient. The stark personality contrast between my sister and I, as I had a Sydney style mental breakdown at being lost in a tuk tuk in the backstreets while she giggled it away, taught me to keep perspective (yet hopefully taught her not to trust 12 year old boy drivers in foreign countries so easily!).
Pub Street, my absolute favourite venture as we received $3 massages whilst having a beer and enjoying wifi, our pretty rogue night out at this street party where I had a surreal moment of being a part of hundreds of people from around the world all uniting in some Gangnam style dancing and drinking out of buckets. Buckets that left me sobbing the next day over my tombstone reading 'death in Asia' (didn't die, just a bad hangover FYI).

Pure magic.

Authentic as!

Traditionally awkward...

For mummy dearest - the tree aficionado 
Cheesy fries...

Sunday, 24 August 2014

Single In Sydney

As winter fully sets I find  myself really investing in my Single in Sydney behaviours. Want to know what these include?

  • No leg shaving or moisturizing
  • Ben & Jerry's Phish Food...all the time + getting it on my dressing gown but continuing to wear gown for a few more rotations 
  • Fridays and Saturday nights in with mum and dad
  • Reading magazines all day
  • Not getting changed out of my pjs on the weekends
  • Hours of TV series
  • Entire days spent shopping and pampering oneself
  • Many a train ride gazing at males daydreaming ideal meeting on public transport success scenarios (yet flinching and whipping my head in opposite direction when we accidentally make eye contact = smooooth)
  • Burning smelly candles for hours
  • Living amongst my clothes as it's too cold to tidy up
  • No makeup, no bras, no brushed hair, month old nail polish on my toes
  • Boredom sessions on Tinder (but ignoring any points of contact)
  • Watching my succulents grow like they were my children
  • Buying outfits to wear on potential nights out (yet opting to stay in most weekends)
  • Eating on a wicker tray so as to avoid getting crumbs in my bed
  • Using the boyfriend side of my bed as a desk/storage/bookshelf/wardrobe
  • Social media. Work and personal channels. All. the. time. 
  • Napping
  • Listening to festivals on the radio. From my bed.

W.O.W if that doesn't inspire you I don't know what else will!

I would say I am in a routine funk but I'm actually pretty happy thriving in my indoor child behaviours. When the weather warms up perhaps motivation will return to make oneself useful on the weekends but for now, bring on another packet of Tim Tams (and mum, hurry up with the gown wash)!

How are you thriving in hibernation this Winter? Can you beat me?

Sunday, 17 August 2014

Bad Hair Day

Sigh. Winter doesn't agree with my hair.

(not my head but very similar representation of irit hairs)

Currently I have new hair growth so no matter how much hairspray I use, I still look like this by the time I get to work:

Although it could be worse:

What's your magic formula for taming unruly locks?

Sunday, 10 August 2014

Act Yo Age

I've been thinking this week. What do you like that you think maybe you 'shouldn't'?

It was recently put to me by someone that a lot of my interests are in line with a teenage girls, and that as I steamroll into turning 27, perhaps I 'should' start to align myself with a more mature consumption of interests.

As first, my head started to dig around for grown up interests that I could justify my wayward tastes with... like oh well I...I...I don't mind cheese and wine nights...and...oh well I read the newspaper often...?

But then I thought oh firetruck that! For a second, a brief second, I let this person make me question who I am. And that my friends, is something no friend should ever make you do.

So here are some of my interests that I thoroughly with my whole heart enjoy/obsess over - and I like them all, I like them so much that I would happily not act my age for them! 

Boy bands:
Lets be honest, One Direction takes the cake but I am also partial to Backstreet Boys, Nsync, 5SOS, Boyzone, The Vamps, Jersey Boys the musical and many more. You know why? Because they make me HAPPY - how could someone singing about living while we're young, as long as they love me, dancing, dirty pop and being larger than life not bring a smile to your face?

Lame ass words:
I regularly sprinkle my sentences with a dose of invented words, cliche sayings or casual colloquialisms. I don't care if it annoys you, I am not structuring my sentences for your enjoyments, it's for mine!
See: toodles, doll, ridic, fo shiz, & pet names; see Pooface, Nunkhead, Slav, Lolo, Shedizz, Baz, Johnwa, Corbags, JC Dubs, Wan Wan, Jessmeenda etc etc

Reality TV:
Yes, I gladly guilt freely devote hours of my life to watching Kardashians, The Bachie, The Block, Jersey Shore, Rachel Zoe and many more - I don't do it because I am trying to find meaning within the shows that I can then analyse, assess and deconstruct for a cultural comment, I watch it because it's frickin entertaining and an escape from the trappings of actual reality because yes I know these shows aren't real - that's why its enjoyable!!

Festivals, gigs and concerts:
I am a groupie, a fan girl, I ride and die for the music (tongue in cheek) and that's never changing. (Also throw in here buying merch at all of the above -that's a like that's also never dying out)

Impulse buying: 
I buy anything and everything. I am in marketing and I am passionate about my industry. If someones hard work or creativity captures my intrigue then by the divine guidance of The Universe and the willingness of my credit card, by golly I will hand over my money to find out more.

Speaking of, The Universe:
Yes, I believe in karmic values. I believe in a greater force making things happen. I believe in trusting The Universe to lead the way and I believe in seeking a higher meaning of life through reading inspirational things, horoscopes, psychics and thought provoking articles - any words that ignite a spark within me or help my mind find reason in a situation.

Street chic/Urban hippy/Skater Girl/Frocked Up/Gangster:
I like wearing whatever the firetruck I want, and that will rarely be anything that is plain and sensible merely to show others that I am 'mature'. Screw that, you only get one life and I am not going to spend it wasting time dressing for others. Actions and accountability will prove that for me, not my choice of dress, taste in music or my choice of hairstyle.

The Shire:
I still live at home and most likely this will be for some time. I don't need to justify this, my circumstances do not me permit to live on my own unless I suddenly have a strong desire for street corners, milk crates and binned food then no, I will not be able to sustain living on my own. This is in no part to not having a huge desire to have my own place, but I choose not to sacrifice location and lifestyle, happiness and finances on living somewhere I am not comfortable in for the sake of being an instant adult. So I wait.

Who doesn't love buying things at a rounded off low dollar price with the option to do this 24 hours a day?!

Beyonce (current alter ego Yonce), Florence, Kelly Clarkson, Katy Perry, Lily Allen, Gaga and the like, inspire me to get out of my head. They remind me with their strong pop empowered lyrics not to get caught up in the little situations, as they are not sitting around ever feeling sorry for themselves, sad over spilt milk or worried about minor work struggles. No, they are teen girl superstars getting out and making something of themselves with a f**k it attitude, so yes in that capacity, I like these girls.

That's it for me and my youthful taste of life, to be honest I wouldn't know who I was if I didn't like some of these things. I'd imagine I would be quite a boring person.

Tell me your oh so sinful interests! Do they match up to your age bracket or like me do you not giving a flying hoot about acting your age?

(and if anyone ever makes you question how your life interests represent you and your worthiness as a whole person, then they my dear friends, need to be the first and only thing you cross off your interests list)