Monday, 12 August 2013

In Da Clubz

I went out on the weekend which is a becoming a more rare experience each month. As a creature of habit I find my guilty pleasure lies in staying in, having a nice dins with the rents and being in bed early. Dont worry, I'm seeking help for this addiction. Anyways, I discovered a few pet hates from the clubzzz* that I wish to share with you:

#1 When guys dance with you and put their hands on your hips to move you. No thanks, I may dance like an awkward white gurl but you trying to steer this ship makes me move even more stiffer than an ironing board.

#2 Girls in the toilets. What makes going to da clubz suddenly extend your bladder emptying experience to four times the length? We all know that waiting in the line is a bitch so why not respect the sistahood and get in and out in an efficient space of time?

#3 Dancefloor pickup lines. A boy smiled at me and squeaked said "you are just soo cute!!". Thanks, you have just ever so smoothly taken me from thinking I was semi pleasing to look at to now having made me feel like I am a small novelty kitten, now boys come at me! WTF

#4 Taxis. Job description: to pick up one roadside human and deliver them to the safety of their home. Repeat. Why on earth do they all drive by you so it becomes a lucky dip when a cab finally stops to get you? If there is no one in your car, this means you are DO YOUR JOB!

#5 Age. Few people asked how old I was as I was out for a birthday outing (mine). And by people, I mean small children. Small male children. Clearly all my own age bracket were at home tucked up in bed doing the sensible thing. These children then proceeded to die in shock horror surprised by the fact, that I could actually be their older sister/babysitter as opposed to their winning catch for the evening. Eww save me the trauma of their fresh baby faces!

#6 Stage 10 clingers. Or as I like to call them, pillars. They all stand around the outskirts of the dancefloor just watching. Everytime you accidentally glance that way, oop there they are! Maybe I'm being, no there they are again. Creeeeppppyyy

#7 When the DJ slows the music to a dead beat. How awkward is it when you're all Britney Bitch on the dancefloor then Mister Music does some weird morph of the beatz and you go from fist pumping to slow motion still, accompanied by nervous giggle and looking around challenging anyone to do something different. When the people are moving keep the music moving!

#8 Boys Dancing. This isn't a pet hate at all. I revert to #6 and admit I too become a pillar when there is a guy who knows how to dance. I love it, so fascinating and hot. I am partial to watching someone shuffle and even more partial when an everyday type of street fella walks in all So You Think You Can Dance, busts out and just owns the space, then struts off like 'whatevs yeah I just did that'. But if he dares puts those hands on my hips the magic dies and I become a pillar in all senses of the word. Sigh..

#9 Compliments. I had a Gatsby dress theme just for shits because who doesn't love a dress up? However I was regularly stopped to be complimented on my outfit, which was really really lovely. Besides the fact our modern culture meant that majority of my public complimeters confused the term 'flapper' for 'slapper'. Slapper it is!

Contrary to how this post sounds I actually had a really fun night and could be easily persuaded to do it again! (in another years time- let's not get too carried away)

* saying clubzzz makes me feel cool

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