Monday, 15 October 2012

Train Pains

The other day coming home on the train I struck the pinnacle of public transport woes.

It was a Friday, I was pleased with myself as I went to a Zumba class and didn’t stumble too awkwardly through it (which is hard when the teacher is hot Latino and the student is stiff white girl), I felt light and fresh and plans to be social were cancelled at the last minute so I was smugly smiling and looking forward to heading home for a night of indulgence on pizza and Gossip Girl. (Yes I ate pizza after the gym and no I did not feel bad)

Woe #1
I am reading my mx and my attention is constantly dragged away from it due to this clicking sound. After a while of ignoring it, I sit up and do the subtle turn and glance around the train to see that the lady in the seat across from me is CLIPPING HER NAILS!!! Yuk, words cannot begin to describe how filthy she is for doing this. Oh wait, but there’s more. When all her nails were neat and tidy and she held them out at arm’s length for self- approval, the train stopped at her stop and I imagine she left feeling quite chuffed at how well timed her nail removal session went. HOWEVER, the next poor sod who dared to sit in this newly available seat, then had to use their mx to brush away all her NAILS that she had left on the seat. Nuff said.

Woe #2
Swapping trains feeling somewhat disgusted and pining for a shower so that I could feel clean on behalf of Nails Nancy, I then encountered train punish type #406: the expectant stare. On a not so busy train with plenty of complementary seating available, the expectant starer decided that no other seat could possibly suffice and she must immediately have the remainder of my two seater. As I had just sat down I myself admit I was being train punish type #231: bag on seat, BUT this was only due to needing a few more seconds to work out the right balance for giant gym bag, leather jacket, handbag and ipod/book positions. Feeling flustered and rushed as I awkwardly piled everything on top of my lap, this bird sits down without any acknowledgement of the fact that yes, I did read your mind and have hence moved everything to accommodate you. She then pulls out a bag of hot chips and consumes them via the throw-your-head-back method (for people who fear missing their mouth the normal way, this method allows for food to simply fall down your pipe with a 99% success rate). All nommed out and nothing left to do but click her tongue on every 5th second all the way to the same stop as me- 45 minutes later.

All board and hello weekend!!!

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